Sunday, June 9, 2013

Lesson 187. I do not understand why some things happen, but I do understand that God is here.

As usual, I've been riding the waves of grief. I've been in and out of my head, and predominantly stuck in bed trying to figure out how to write you without breaking your heart but at the same time being honest.

The last few months have presented me with many truths. Some disheartening, some comforting, and some just simply as they are- blunt, confronting, raw. However, one that rings true everyday is one of a fathers love for his children. 

I understand that not everyone who reads my blog knows Jesus, and I acknowledge but make no apologies for the fact that this might cause you to raise your eyebrows. I accept that you and I can be different, but here's what I know:

Life will break your heart and make it in the same breath. You are going to get hurt and you're going to cry your heart out about it. At some points you're going to be mad and at others just desperately lonely. It is unbelievably beautiful and completely devastating at the same time. 

You might not understand where you are right now, I know I don't and I know I probably won't in my lifetime. Loss and grief are lifelong journeys and we can't question why they happen all the time; all it does is leave us drained and hopeless, with a bitter and bleak outlook. I've sat and stared at my white walls trying to work out why we lose people, or why things take the sudden turns that they do and I have no answers. 

However, I understand that regardless of why things happen, God is present within them. I do not know why we lose the ones we love, but I know that he holds us. I know that he gives me the grace to keep going when grief seems crippling. I know that he allows me moments of relief and happiness; a moment of laughter that echoes to my soul, a smile from a stranger on the street, or sometimes simply silence, stillness, a break from all the sadness.

I'm not asking you to believe in sunshine and lollipops when all you feel is heartache and anger. I'm asking you to believe in a steady hand in the storm, a heart that holds yours when all else falls. A God whose love does not depend on circumstance, he loves because he is.

Have hope in that. Maybe somebody left or you lost something or someone and you feel let down, you're confused and that's okay. But take heart in the fact that God is present in every situation, and we don't have to understand it to have hope that he always stronger and steadier than our hurts. 

I do not understand why some things happen, but I do understand that God is here.