Lesson 73. Choose.

We are a product of choices.

Whether you like it or not, you stand as you are, where you are, in this moment because of choices. Choices you have made, choices others have made, choices yet to be made, choices you are currently facing.

So here's a novel approach to living life with reduced complication: Make the right choices. Stop comparing your sad little stories to soapy sitcom dramas and start doing something. Put one foot in front of the next and move in a healthy direction.

For you, your family, your friends, those who have been and those who are to come. Make choices out of wisdom, not desire. Let your decisions be birthed of love, not hate. Be bold. Be a man or a woman of great gumption and certainty. Smile, know that you are not simply sitting and let life's perils choose for you, you are choosing. Choose.

Lesson 72. Laugh at your various film genres.

My flatmates and I have an ongoing joke. It basically runs on the basis that we're all basket cases who seem to have multiple strange and startling personalities. In the midst of teenage turmoil we somehow manage to laugh at the sides of ourselves we find difficult to deal with, the feelings we face with fear we have a little giggle. Tonight we sat on the kitchen floor and discussed the various categories that my life film would come under, eventually we settled on pysch-thriller/drama/action/rom-com. We then sat on the couches and rolled around in fits of giggles at the hilarity of our troubles.

It's natural to feel a thousand different things at once when you're eighteen, female and dreadfully homesick/confused as to where home is. Your situation is understandable, cut yourself some slack. Learn to look at heavy things with light eyes and a laugh that gets the situation but doesn't see it as something impossible. You might feel like you're all over the place, just stop beating yourself up and see the funny side. Life gets crazy and hard, you must refuse to let it harden you and embrace the crazy. Laugh at your various film genres. 

Lesson 71. Read a book.

A few days ago I wrote my final English121 essay on the perils of internet and how it has spoiled us for literature. Now before I list various reasons why you should read a book instead, let me state that I am very much in favour of the internet. However, like all good things- moderation is key and when it comes to reading, it is crucial that we seek sustenance from books. Get your literature triangle out and refer to it when in doubt.

I am only a young lass and I am potentially sounding a little weathered. I'm willing to, simply to encourage you to pick up a book. Don't let your eyes grow weary by the blaring light of your laptop unless you are reading this blog, in which case I give hearty consent. Why should you read a book? Well, let's start with the physicality's of a hard cover text. The smell. Oh the sweet smell of paper fine pressed into pages of magic. The musky lure of well loved literature is one I cannot resist. Second of all, the feel. You can tell if it'll be good by the way it feels in your hand. The way your thumb flicks the righthand corner. The weight. The grip. It's great.

Now let's get to the nitty gritty, cue strings and fade background. The emotional benefits of reading:
It's the best way to wind down. No technology, no loud noises, no lights, no complications, no restarts or shutdowns or putting to sleeps. Just changes of pages and familiar places. Relax. Let your heat untangle itself and sink your teeth into a book.

Some books create a sense of familiarity, of comfort. I'm currently re-reading "Mrs Harris Goes to New York"- a fabulous English novel in which an old british woman ventures across the ocean. And although I know the cover as well as I know certain faces in my life, when I read it I feel home. I feel safe. I feel cuddled up in everything that used to make me happy. It's warm

It will remain timeless. Nothing can shake a book. It won't break on you halfway through or let you down. We need to be a little more like books and a little less like the internet. Instead of skimming through life and moving on we need to take time to breathe it in. To invest ourselves.

It will do you good. Read a book.

Lesson 70. Go back to bed after midday.

As mentioned afore in posts over this week, I've had friends staying. We've been up late and losing sleep and waking before our body's preferences. I just saw them off after a glorious time though a little too short for my liking. Where am I now? In bed. I'm probably going to doze off in 20 minutes or so. If you're tired, have a rest. Routine schmoutine, take a nana nap. Go back to bed after midday.

Lesson 69. Remember what is important.

I've been battling bad grades. I've been wondering why and what and when it all becomes too much I put on some old school Westlife and weep in my nostalgic state for the days when study was only a far away future problem for far away future Lydia.

I arrived home today with some lovely Uni friends. We discussed marks and although I didn't expose my shame, I certainly alluded to the fact that they were less than desirable. We then walked my property and I showed them my house. Suddenly, my cloudy perspective flipped.

Life is beautiful. I come from a household saturated with love and brilliant lighting. The grass is crisp cut and the air is fresh. Wide open spaces for wide open arms. I have a roof over my head and a bed to cradle dreams. The best people in the world are my friends and the best person is mine.

Don't let your bad grades get to you. Take a walk outside, count your blessings, remember what is important.

Lesson 68. Petrol in a Diesel car is not the end of the world.

I was headed to my hometown with some A grade friends this evening. We had dwindled by two, I was the only girl and spirits were average to low. We filled up the car in a way we thought was relatively standard, little did we know what had skipped our slightly absent minded but still very great drivers intelligence. The previously purring car started to sputter and slow. Before we could say Jack Robinson, we were sitting on the Auckland motorway. A mind slip and a hurry had caused our driver to forget a rather crucial detail- the car was a diesel car, not petrol. We would not be moving anytime soon. He panicked, called his parents and followed with the AA. Soon enough Ray the tow truck driver appeared to rescue one damsel and many men in distress. In we hopped and off we went. Ray told us about his hardcore metal Nephew with a passion for music theory and classical composition. Ray's favourite word was buddy and he very much enjoyed having the window down even though it was freezing. He was a a very sweet podgy little man.

We then stopped in at my friends place before he dropped me home. Although it was supposed to be a momentary stop, his mother welcomed me in and asked if I'd stay a little while to have a bite to eat. Sure enough a few hours later I was fit to burst and smiling about it. It was so nice to feel the arms of a mother and bathe in the banter of a loving family.

Although it certainly wasn't to plan, it was a perfect example of a silver lining. I had a lovely evening. Inclusive of the kind of food I dream about, the best of company and warmth enough to touch the heart of someone struggling with loneliness, it was a rather wonderful topsy turn. To add a little more perfection to the initially mishap filled evening, my heart just realised I'm seeing my incredible parents tomorrow. What a peculiar turn of events. What a spectacular strange happening. I'm thankful for best friends and their beautiful families and I'm thankful for funny mistakes that lead to lovely discoveries. Petrol in a diesel car is not the end of the world. 

Lesson 67. Do a little dance.

I have an exam at 9.15am that I am severely underprepared for. Potentially because I'm blogging instead of studying because I am that committed to my relationship with you. It's a precious moment for you and I. Our eyes lock through the pouring rain, yours are a little misty (I can't tell whether it's because of the conditions or you're overwhelmed with my bold gesture) we then embrace and discuss the depth of our love by the fireside with towels wrapped around our heads like turbans. Almost like in one hundred and one dalmations but kind of not like that at all. TANGENT. My mind is all over the place and this is very evident in all areas. Back to my point, I'm very stressed. However, it's due to my own negligence so I take full responsibility when it comes losing sleep and nails over this situation.

I've had my iTunes on shuffle whilst juggling summaries with insanity and I've found the greatest outlet. I am in fact in bed and shakin' my bedded booty to my jams. It's an excellent release for stress and a spot of crazy. Before I opened this window my hands were in the air and I was hitting my head from side to side of my pillow in order to create a new funky move. I'm confident it will take off, almost as confident as I am that yoyo will instead of yolo (you're only young once is a much better acronym, watch this space.) Every paragraph I allow myself a dance break. It results in me exploding into fits of giggles and then feeling sad because the only person here to enjoy it is Snoosan and he doesn't say much. My radical moves make up for the lonely night.

Try it. Do a little dance.

Lesson 66. Wear your kiddy pajamas.

My boyfriend just lolled at me. A literal bellow of laughter just escaped his lips when he saw my sleeping apparel. They're baby pink with massive polkadots and they run the world. They are love on my winter skin. They are toasty. They epitomize comfortable sleepwear. But apparently I look like a child.

I took offense at this at first, I mean, it's a slightly offensive comment right? Quite the contrary friends. It should be a compliment. Who doesn't want to feel a little kiddy sometimes? We all need a little blast from the past, a visit back to your childhood. Be comfortable, take a little laughter from someone that you love. Wear your kiddy pajamas.

Lesson 65. A noisy, messy house is best.

Mother Sheena is a neat gal. She stacks up mail, puts her keys in the same place and wouldn't dream of leaving her shoes in the lounge.

However, she shared a little gem with me today. I learnt the secret to her seemingly calm attitude when her house is ransacked by multiple just-past-teens. My house has been abuzz with the noise of happy people, the couches have been moved. There are magazines spread out over the coffee table and I have at least three pairs of shoes within a two meter radius of the kitchen table.

But it's better this way. It's been so empty for the poor parentals. Tickled smiles appear on both faces when my sisters laughter turns to pure high pitched sound with the occasional gasp for breath. They don't seem to mind the mess or the noise because they understand that people are more important than places. It's better this way. A noisy, messy house is best.

Lesson 64. The mouse in your drawer won't hurt you.

Last night there was a rattle. There was a scratch, there was a bump, there was the pitter patter of little feet. And there was a conclusion: there was a rodent.

The wee small hours were approaching so my boyfriend and I were talking in hushed tones. The house was still, until we heard it. The noise. That dreaded scutter. That unmistakeable sound of a mouse.

We both paused, stunned. Like a deer in the headlights, we stared at the drawer. The ratter continued and we just looked at each other. Expressions blank, we sputtered out plans of actions that collided in nonsense, it was quite the dilemma. 

What happened, you may ask? Well, it was a turn of events no one could've expected. I firmly planted my feet on the floor and placed one in front of the next. I opened the door, and I tottered off to bed.

Correct, I did nothing. Ryan did nothing but turn over and flick the light switch. He slept peacefully. We woke up in the morning only to find....nothing. Nothing strange or startling had happened. Ryan's room was not teeming with little mice, it was empty, quiet. 

We get too scared of the mouse. The little things, the tiny stresses. They overtake our sense and we panic. Suddenly the biggest concern in our lives is something literally smaller than the palms of our hands. Walk away, get some sleep. Come back in the morning and you'll find things are better. The mouse in your drawer won't hurt you. 

Lesson 63. Come home.

Life is complicated. Growing up takes its toll. In our instant coffee world, we lose our essence all too easy in the hustle and bustle. It's so easy to be stomped on by the opinions of others and even things that are supposed to help. Things like grades, constructive criticism, even due dates that we fail to meet or appointments we forget to sharpen our pencils for. Life has its heavier battles- loneliness, fear, insecurity and heartache. We can take on such unnecessary weight. We can become so bogged down by it all that we lose who we are in the madness.

Get back to what makes you you. When it all gets too much, remember the silly things that make you who you are. The personal jokes, your mothers smile, your favourite food on a Sunday night, the way you love the rain at night, the time you found your voice. Remind yourself of you. Trust me, it's worth it. Listen to some music that reminds you of summer two years ago when everything felt right. Watch a home movie just to smile at the accent you used to possess. If you can't make the trip, do the little things like that. If you can make the trip, come home. 

Lesson 63. Have a little dinner before unpacking the car.

I arrived home today just in time for tea. My sister and I left the car packed and went inside to partake in sweet sustenance.

Dinner was anything but a disappointment. We sat down to eat with my parents and digested top notch nourishment. I sat by the fire and warmed my back. I sat with my parents and warmed my heart. Eventually, we finished dinner and it was time to unpack. Just time. No rush, no urgency, the time just came.

It happens all the time. We rush through dinner dates and coffee cups simply to get to the next task of the day. It's not something we should be doing. We need to take time and smell the roses. Breathe in a little banter. Tell a few more stories. Laugh at life's misfortunes. Life is not long enough to race through. Have a little dinner before unpacking the car.

Lesson 62. Cake doesn't always look the way it tastes.

I had this lovely romantic idea that I would surprise my sister at midnight tonight. The candles would flicker in the dim lit corridor, only outlining the number '21' and she would squeal with great delight. The cake would be perfectly shaped, without imperfection or blemish. It would be the kind of cake that belongs on a 'Rachel Ray' episode and merely the shape of it would be breathtaking. Everyone would take a moment of silence purely because they were humbled by the presence of my culinary masterpiece. They would then in great depth, discuss it's features. Its gentle curve, glossy frosting, shredded chocolate to perfection. It would seep into their dreams as they kissed the world goodnight via pillows. My cake would change the lives of those who experienced it.

This was not to be. Unfortunately for me, the cake lost many organs and limbs during the transfer between tin to cooling tray to plate. Cake debri lined the bench top as did my disappointment. With the help of my handy dandy extremely talented and good looking assistants, I scooped up the remains and did my best to mould them back into the cake with my multi-shade cocoa icing. Needless to say, it was far from beautiful. The shredded chocolate was splendid but that was about it. It was lumpy, it had bits missing, the icing was far from glossy. Suddenly my life changing cake ship sunk. I let out a few sighs and moved on from that dream, it was time for the second phase of Happy Birthday little big beautiful sister. We arrived at her house and spoke in hushed tones and giggles with my favourite radio presenter come sisters flatmate of all time. Once candles were lit I burst through the door with a hearty happy birthday singsong followed by my boyfriend, one best friend, and one Cammy wonder. She did squeal with delight. We gathered round in the kitchen and each was cut a slice. What happened next was something no one could've predicted. It was the mother of juicy chocolate cake. I quote my boyfriend that it 'tastes like butterflies in my mouth' and although this is a strange and slightly questionable sounding simile, I'm inclined to agree.

It's funny how life works like that. I wanted something that looked good and I hadn't put a second thought to how taste always beats looks. Majority of the time, things are not as they seem. Sometimes the most beautiful of things can be found underneath lumps and bumps and bruises of life. Often we are so gutted from one angle that we forget to seek another. Life is never as it seems, the things we perceive to be failures can repeatedly turn out to be pivotal beautiful moments of the journey. Cake doesn't always look the way it tastes.

Lesson 61. Everyone gets lonely sometimes, it doesn't mean you're alone.

Lonesome seems to be a feeling we all experience much more often than we own up to. We cover it with painted smiles and echoed laughs of the happiness we once knew. I've come to this realisation, this revelation, that lonely often means you're so close to so many.

Feeling lonely is something we all know. Facebook photos of uninvited celebrations, hearing people talking late at night, being out on a personal joke in conversation or simple sitting in a bedroom alone is something we've all felt. When you feel that way, feel close to millions. So many people feel lonely, it doesn't make them alone. In fact it makes them more like others than they realise. We need to start reaching out in our loneliness. To rid ourselves of the mentality that we must face things alone. People who care about you are through the next wall, up the stairs, beside you in class, all it takes is honesty.

Everyone gets lonely sometimes, it doesn't make you alone.

Lesson 60. The past does not determine your future.

This post was inspired by a conversation with a beautiful girl late last night. I won't go into detail, too often details distract, I will however tell you of the precious lesson it reminded me of.

The past can consume. It can wait behind our closed doors when we go to bed and advance towards us as we're supposed to be lulled into the land of nod. It can appear beside us in the empty silent seat on the bus. A moment alone, a moment of doubt, pains from the past appear and scare us out of doing all sorts of things. We often forget that the past is the past and just that. It is not real anymore, it is a thing that happened and was hard, but it's gone and we have moved forward. To bigger and brighter things, to greater and greater things. The past too often creates hurdles for life's most spectacular feats to be conquered. It can cause us to shy away from love, second guess just how gifted we are, make us afraid of repeating regrets. I know it's hard to comprehend, especially with that looming cloud of remorse above your head, but you don't have to live with it anymore. You can move forward and you will.

You need to be reminded every now and then that if anything, the past is a mark of your strength, your growth, your incredible character. You have managed to live through the hardship and come out the otherside. I am constantly amazed not by the challenges life has thrown at friends, but at their ability to become so much more beautiful because of them. To grow in wisdom and strength. To learn how to help others through the heartache. You are a new creation. Let me tell you, you are loved and when the time comes you will love and be loved so deeply that you'll wonder why you ever worried, you are gifted beyond your full comprehension, and you are stronger than ever before- you will not rehash yesterdays mistakes. 

So next time the past creeps up behind your door and begs you not to sleep, tell it no, you are done with it. Remember the above. When you get on the bus and a moment of silence causes you to consider the things that hang in the back of your head, kick them out for good and replace them with reassurance. You are stronger, more capable, more beautiful than ever. I am so proud. The past does not determine your future.

Lesson 59. Keep someone company on a boring workday.

First off, I must begin the correct way:

I am truly sorry dear friends, I have been slack and it's inexcusable. I am a sad excuse for a blogger and for that my heart is filled with sorrow and remorse, this paragraph is simply a cry for help. Please forgive my transgressions and moved forward the utmost confidence in my commitment to you. I promise to work on our relationship with the tenderest of care from this day forward. So I must continue.

Today, I plonked my behind on the one chair at my sisters work. I then pulled out two chocolate eclairs and a black forest cake and proceeded to share them with my gorgeous thing of a sister. It was quite lovely. I'd wandered down lorne, popped into the cake boutique, purchased the sweet goods and then headed for high. My sister was pleasantly surprised and rightly so, we somehow managed to chat the afternoon away between customers and I bought a new pair of pajamas across the road in a sale.

My point is, two is very much better than one. Annie could've worked on her own, she could've completed the days menial tasks and once again conquered solitaire on her phone, but the day would've worn duller colours and she would've headed home to crack into some Uni work having had no relief from work. Now I'm not saying I'm the best of company, I trail off sentences and make up works and make high pitched noises when silence comes about. I am saying that keeping someone company on a boring work day is well worth the while. If you don't have anything in particular to do, do something for someone else. Keep someone company on a boring workday. 

Lesson 58. Your giants are people too.

It was supposed to be a breakfast filled with copious amounts of joy and cream cheese.
Unfortunately, 10am bagel bliss was not meant for me. I was slicing my bagel open and happened to slice a little too far a little too strong and right into the index finger of my left hand. Not a big deal right? Just a wee boo-boo on little Lydia's fingy. On any other day, you'd be right. Today however, happens to be the day before my all important guitar exam. An exam that decides the fate of my degree is looming and my left index finger is almost out of action. Not ideal.

You're waiting for it aren't you? The, realisation, the conclusion. Oh, you know me too well you! You're quite right in assuming it doesn't end there, I am not about to sell you my sob story without sliding in some sort of a moral of the story.

So it goes: I clutched my throbbing pinky down Symonds street and up the stairs in the Kate Edgar building. I watched as the receptionist at Student Health stifled a chuckle as I gave my explanation for needing to see someone. I saw the nurse, then the doctor, then they made a lovely little outfit for my pinky consisting of steri-strips and some gauze. They walked me through the steps I could take to ensure my grades were not effected by my last minute blunder. I then had to see my tutor. I took a great gulp and faced the daunting desk of Neil. He's lovely, but a little intimidating. I explained myself and presented the necessary paperwork and he was so accomodating. The man that I feared turned into less of a towering giant and more of a sympathetic soul. He told me it was up to me and that he'd do whatever I felt comfortable with. I could try tomorrow or apply for an extension.

It's strange, lecturers, teachers, bosses, basically any authoritative figures can come across as such giants. Such scary creatures, waiting to trip us up. Really, they're just human and they get that accidents happen. It's a nice discovery, your giants are people too.

Lesson 57. Make up a word.

If there isn't a word for it, create one.


This should be a simple solution- but instead we bypass it and head straight for the thesaurus. Now don't get me wrong people- if the thesaurus was a man I would probably ask it to pop to the alter, have four beautiful children with me and purchase a samoyed puppy to match our white picket fence in suburbia. But I've recently discovered the joy of tailoring our sweet dialect to my own measurements. It can make the dullest of life's explanations spectacular and turn stressful situations to genius intellectual discoveries.

I have one of the hardest tests yet on Friday. I was chatting with a pal who appears to be in the same sinking ship and I invented a word to describe my general lack of talent at guitar.

Guitarded
Adjective
Musically challenged by the Guitar.
"She's so guitarded!"

Now you see my point. I know you at least smirked at my wild new word. I have shed many a tear over the exam that belongs to Friday, but I have also realised that in times like these we mustn't take ourselves too seriously. Make light of something that scares you, you might find it brings a smile in the midst of fear. You might find it makes you slightly more comfortable with the situation. Go on, make up a word.

Lesson 56. Giggle.

Have a little giggle. I know it's a word with slightly feminine connotations. I myself picture schoolgirls with high socks giggling to Doris' Day's "Lollypop" when I visualise the word, but I insist it is mandatory for the male species as well. There's something that just does your soul a world of good when you let a high pitched laugh escape your all-too-serious frame. A giggle is kind of like your voice-box bouncing on a cloud. It's dreamy and it will only lift you higher. Seriously, giggle.

Lesson 55. Don't let precious friendships fade.

I tasted bittersweet coffee across the table from a beautiful friend this morning. Bitter because a kindred spirit has to move on, sweet because of the blessing she has been thus far. Beautiful because that's just the way she was made and grows more so everyday. However, as I held her hand shared a moment in precious prayer with her, I realised I'd let a cherished friend fade into the background as the life carried me away with it's to do's and deadlines.

As I'm sure you've gathered, the last few months have been full to the brim with learning and this is a lesson that appears be slightly recurring. I think it's something that takes brand new centre stage as high schools curtain closes and people skip town. It's all too easy to let dear friendships fade into what feels like yesterday. Don't make that mistake, appreciate people while they're in your life. While they are close, hold them closer. I'm willing to let that dear friend step on that plane on Friday because of a resolution I've made to myself. I will keep in touch. I will make an effort. I will set aside time. Life is too short to let superficial situations distract from meaningful engagements with others. I reflect with regret on relationships I have let wither, but a greater hope overrules it because of the lesson I have learnt. Solid friendships are not something to be taken for granted, they are something to be treasured and invested in. It isn't too often someone comes along that can learn your heart, know your heart, and speak to your heart, please don't let it pass you by. People are so important. Don't let precious friendships fade.

Lesson 54. C.S Lewis > Lady Gaga

A few minutes ago I read a very troubling quote from Lady Gaga:

"“Some women choose to follow men, and some women choose to follow their dreams. If you're wondering which way to go, remember that your career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore.” 

How obscene. It's a disturbing thought when the notion that coexistence is introduced as something of pain and rejection. It's a sad day when the world declines vulnerability and advances at such great pace towards a stone cold belief that a life without love is still a life. Yes, sometimes is hurts and vulnerability can bite like no other, but sometimes it wins and we grow to understand what it means to love. Of course a career will never wake up and tell you that it doesn't love you anymore, a career will never be beside you when you wake up. It will never be your shoulder when you cry. It will never be your best friend, your sister, your family, your heart's missing piece. In the words of my girl Rebecca Ferguson, Nothing's real but love. We must embrace what it means to be weak and vulnerable in order for love to grow strong and ready to fight. And believe me, in a world so riddled with sorrow, love must be able to fight the lies society is feeding so readily.

So here's where the first piece of weaponry rears it's head. We fight fire with with fire. Here I hand over a quote that demolishes goo-goo-ga-ga's quack philosophy by a literary genius: 

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” 

So yes, C.S Lewis> Lady Gaga. 

Lesson 53. All in good time.

A couple of friends of mine are currently pursuing entanglements in the romantic region. Both unknowingly said the same thing to me today "Good things take time" and it got me thinking. They've never been more correct.

Whether it's a date or an exam, sometimes things take a shape that is well beyond the actual plan. Sometimes your dog gets ill and it's no longer available for a Saturday morning stroll. It doesn't mean to say that things won't work out eventually, maybe your dear friend time is stalling us so that we can learn the importance of what we receive. Waiting means we feel the worth once we arrive. Time means things can grow at a natural pace. Love means ups and downs and roundabouts but it's never to say it isn't a glorious exhilarating ride. Dedicated pursuit of love takes patience. Unfortunately many of us grapple with the concept of patience in an instant-coffee kind of world. Let it brew my sweet lonesomes, it's worth  the time it takes. It's a topsy turvy turning journey but it's wonderful. Don't give up on what you want, but don't expect it at the click of your fingers. The best things can't simply be formed by your thumb meeting your third finger, they take intricate details and waiting for a spell or two. Take heart! The best things take time. If it's taking too long, be happy about it. Surely it only means that greater things are forming while you wait. All in good time.

Lesson 52. People grow up.

One of my best friends turned 19 at the stroke of midnight. He has currently been as such for 58 minutes, and it's a strange thought for me.

This is a friend of mine who has perhaps been one of the most constant and long standing. It all started in the absolute cringe-worthy intermediate days. The awkward chubby days for both of us. We'd trade secrets and code names for crushes on cool kids- I remember the day we called a girl "Ricies" on a rainy bus ride home. We even graced the dance floor back then, almost just as we did tonight only with a little extra weight and slightly rosier cheeks. We faced the perils of adolescent troubles together, we both know pain the other has seen. We know scars and tells and jokes that one can only share with someone who has walked through the most pivotal parts with you. I had of those flashback moments tonight. One of those moments where you ask "Where did time go?"

 I swear it was just a few days ago when we were standing on each others feet giggling at the year 8 social. It was just yesterday that I fought for his scars. It was just yesterday that "Ricies" said hello to him after fifth period english.

I've come to this startling realisation that people grow up. They trade in the velcro for laces and they walk away from their bookbags. Somewhere in between the heartache and the dramas that belong only to teenagers, we grow up. It creates a sense of urgency for the enjoyment of each age and stage. We must realise it now before we grow up further. It creates a sense of pride for a parent, a sense of accomplishment for you and I. Growing up doesn't have to be this big scary thing. It can be a chance to look back at what made you you and a chance to be grateful. Growing up grants opportunity to you and I, it is whether or not we grasp it that matters. It's not the end of the world but it's an important conclusion to reach. People grow up.

Lesson 51. Take a bath.

Deepest apologies from the land of nod and other magical distractions for my tardiness and general lack of focus. Disciplined blogger is back and better than ever (slight exaggeration but the phrase needed it, I'm probably not better than ever.)

Yesterday I felt a little over my head. Stress and a silly state landed me with that awful homesick belly ache that spreads from my belly to my extremities. It triggered a little something near my tear duct that left me head buried in hands. Luckily, a love in my life who knows me best suggested I toddle on over to his residence and take a bath. Nothing grieved me more than the dark November discovery that my hostel did not have a bathtub. If there's two things I need in a house it's a fireplace and a bathtub. I don't think I even knew what a shower was until I was about 10. Bathing was and always has been a vice, an escape, a lull into blissful ignorance of what is outside the bathroom door.

So yesterday I took a bath, and oh was it glorious. I popped in a bubble bar from my workplace and watched the water create a delicious little diversion from day to day life. I dipped my toe in and followed with the rest, I felt like I could finally breathe. I closed my eyes and I didn't ponder. I threw away thoughts of stress and worry and I was just being. It was a beautiful thing just to be. We don't do that enough.

Don't let things drive you to the point where you don't know how to just be. Take a deep breath, close your eyes and just smile. Just relax for a moment. It will do wonders for your worn out weary wit. Take a bath.

Lesson 50. Get some sleep.

This post leans towards the simple yet crucial side of life. Get some sleep, seriously.

Lesson 49. Have peace.

The rain whips the window pane. I only watch. I am safe and sound as I am. The living room is warm and the outside world is only fiction. It's quiet here, and although I have mountains of incomplete work in front of me, I only sit.

I read somewhere that peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no trouble or hard work, it means to be in the midst of these and still feel calm in your heart. I've found this to ring true throughout all of life's crowded hallways and stressful spiral staircases. Peace is not about reaching a physical destination or a certain completion date, it's about your heart.

It's almost the mid-year slump. The end of the semester is approaching and seemingly so is the end of many a rope. Exams are making a mighty noise and study is cluttering the space- not to mention mad emotions running wild about the house. It is all too easy to let it consume you. To place your heart in the topsy turvy feelings field seems to be an automatic response.

Place your heart in a place of peace. Place it in what you know. That way regardless of circumstance your feet will stay firmly on the ground. Take heart in the knowledge that you are loved, you have a plan and a purpose, a hope and a future. You have much more than the noise and rain of the outside. You are in the midst of wild weather and you still feel calm in your heart. Have peace.

Lesson 48. Appreciate this phase before it's over.

Hi. This is now. This is where you are, this is who you're with and this is what you're doing.

This is hard. This is happy. This is your life. Do you wish you were elsewhere?

We're all guilty of it. When you were eight you stared down that menacing title page and you remembered the triumphant day you were awarded your pen license. When you were sixteen and your heart was trampled for the first time, you looked back to the title page days and sighed over their simplicity. Now you're out on your own and the glory days are replaying. Highschool without heartache, primary school without title pages. Hindsight is a marvelous, magical blind over our hazy eyes. We neglect the nasty details of the past and return to it with a fond touch. I'm not saying we should dwell on the difficult, I'm saying that maybe instead of always using memories as a vice we should appreciate this very moment. 

It's always easier to see the good once it's gone. How about we try seeing it right now? Live in such a way that when looking back you can smile with deep satisfaction because you know you loved it while you lived it. Appreciate this phase before it's over. 

Lesson 47. Watch an inspiring film.

Family film night was a bit misty-eyed this time round. Mostly on my Dad's behalf (he happens to be a fool for ill wildlife and the underdog rising to triumph) but not without worthy cause.

It erred a little towards the cliche side of things, but it also dug a little deeper in the direction of the heart. So the story went: Downtrodden solo Father trying to raise two children whilst nursing his broken heart. Makes major lifestyle change. Turns a load of lives around. Fall in love again. Made his mark on the world. Roll ending credits to some upbeat Jonsi.

I don't know what it is that makes something as fictional as film stir up something within us. Maybe it's simply a story of something better than what we know right now, maybe it's a spark of re-ignition that the world is ours to set alight. I don't know what inspires you. I do however know that when you are feeling like the man who's life soundtrack seems to be stuck on 'Yellow' by Coldplay, you need to watch something that makes you feel like rising to triumph. Watch an inspiring film.

Lesson 46. Occasionally bask in comfortable silence.

Current location: Cloud Nine/Home.

Oh sweet bliss I am back. How I have missed the smell of where the leaves meet the grass, how I have missed the sound of silence on the street. I'm currently cuddled up waiting for sleep's tireless pursuit to  finally come to an end. Oh sweet bliss I am back. 

As usual, the blog of the day is born out of reflection. I have shuffled through the moments in the madness and settled on a few to draw out today's lesson. I drove home with my sister today. We had our pals John and Ed accompanying us via mixed C.D. and many a discussion about the road and where it's leading- metaphorical and literal of course. However, there was many a moment of silence. Not awkward or stilted or strange or uncomfortable, just a sweet simple silence. I am blessed to have the kind of relationship with my sister where words are not necessary. It's rare for that to exist between two people, so when it comes your way cherish it. When silence becomes something you are willing to accept rather than break, look at the person beside you and note-to-self that you love them and they love you. It's when we can be around each other without having to be anything else that we can call one another true friends. Hold onto the moments that lack words because in shout-scream-sing world, silence is a sweet rarity.

Bed. Silence. Beautiful. I am not in need of noise, I am simply appreciating life and all it's beauty, how comfortable we have grown to exist in parallel with one another. Occasionally bask in comfortable silence. 

Lesson 45. Take a break between yesterdays triumph and tomorrow's trial.

I had a wonderful day today.

I brunched with a babe and I handed in my final English assignment. I then traipsed about town with classmates who are quickly becoming some of my best friends. We detoured to the seaside and discussed life, love and our whereabouts with the afore mentioned topics. The day came to a well-worthy close with the assistance of dancing shoes and sweet sweet tunes. I had a wonderful day today.

Take time to celebrate your triumphs, allow yourself a breather. Refreshed will soon take that place of your plain-jane middle name and you'll find yourself ready to tackle tomorrow's trials with greater gumption than ever before. Leave a little time to laugh. Take a break between yesterday's triumph and tomorrow's trial.