Welcome to the world in which we live,
We rush. We demand answers. We want our wants to be supplied at the same rate as our needs. Prayers are fired up as 'gimme's' as opposed to trusting in his ability to know when and what is right for us. We tell God that we'd like this job at this time, the storm to calm within the next 5 minutes, and everything we don't understand to be clarified by the click of our fingers.
Then when things don't go the way we'd like them to, we're quick to grow weary and disheartened. We become disillusioned about God and his whereabouts, confused about why he's not doing as we've told him to. I know this because I've done this, and I've battled with him many sleepless, tearful nights over why things are the way they are. I've screamed into pillows and stuttered through sobs "Why do we lose the ones we love?" "Why does it hurt like this?" and "Why won't you just make this go away?"
I don't have answers to those questions and I probably never will. I haven't gained an understanding of why, but I have come to realise that in waiting for the sun to rise, the darkness pulls us closer together. In the midst of the pillow-screams and stutter-sobs, I've drawn close to the ones I love. I've leant on God and God alone because there is nothing else to hold onto. I have found hope in hopeless situations because I have had to, I have seen the strength of my heavenly father in getting me out of bed each morning. I have felt his arms as I have been shaken by deep sadness, and I have found a real, raw sense of joy as I rest in the only one able to truly restore.
So maybe it's not about getting what we want exactly when we want it. Maybe it's about being here, right now, messy, impatient, tired, sad, frustrated. Maybe it's about being here right now, growing closer to the author of the universe, knowing and loving him more, falling deeper into his arms and hearing his steady heartbeat sing out his rhythms of grace. Maybe waiting is not a hindrance but an opportunity.