Sunday, February 10, 2013

Lesson 183. Life just keeps going.

Life just keeps going.

This is a concept that we accept with great ease when life smells of roses and throws sunshine on every path we tread. Or even when smiles don't ride ear to ear, even when we become complacent with our somewhat stereotypical lives, it's easy to simply nod when faced with the realisation that life just keeps going.

It's when grief strikes that the thought of life continuing to move at the same pace that we are faced with a mountain to climb. We often cling to pieces of tragedy left behind. We don't want to get out of bed in the morning, we don't want to see anyone living outside of our nightmare, we don't want to smile at the supermarket cashier and politely declining a flyer from an overly zealous stranger seems completely out of the question. But the truth is, it continues. We have to return to work, to study, to supermarket shopping, because life just keeps going. It does not stop and ponder, it does not eagerly await your return, it simply continues and expects that you do the same.

I'm living in limbo. To be perfectly honest with you, I'm absolutely terrified of the life that lies ahead of me. Moving forwards without someone who has always been beside you is scary, not impossible, but at the very least an extremely difficult concept to come to terms with. But I'm determined more than anything else to learn to love that life keeps going, not in an unhealthy shut-all-the-grief out kind of way, but simply in a way that honours the lives that I loved that were lost.

I'm determined to quit second guessing, to stop dreaming and start actively pursuing. I'm determined to stretch my arms further and to say I love you louder. Life just keeps going, so jump in and start doing it better. Let yourself feel, let yourself have bad days, recognise that it's okay to feel like this, but don't stop living because of it.

Life is going to break your heart and be breathtakingly beautiful at the same time every single step of the way, so here we go, headfirst, straight in. Fight with it, figure it out a fraction more and then celebrate the terrible wonderful truth that life just keeps going.

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