I was down by the water, looking out to sea. And it was still. Completely flat aside from the occasional ripple of the tide. I looked up to the sky and I saw dark clouds looming up ahead. There was no sign of light through, just dark clouds. And then I saw both in one picture, one frame. I saw the clouds that were up ahead, but I felt the water still beneath my toes. It was a perfect picture of the state of my heart.
I'm heartbroken, shattered, absolutely devastated. There doesn't seem to be any break for breath through this, grief is dark, it is painful, it is murky. But my heart, is still. It is at peace, it is resting in Jesus for the strength to simply trust what lies beyond the clouds. It's an odd conflict of emotions but it's one I'm coming to know on a deeper level with every day that passes. A sense of joy overwhelms me so regularly, because I loved the ones that I lost, but most of all because God is good. God is the water, still and at ease, knowing each wave that will follow and giving me grace to fare through.
Take heart, the clouds may be dark but the water is still.