Perilous test results. Dreadful dreadful papers. Oh and how they were placed before my very eyes at approximately 2pm today.
As usual (when things go slightly to extremely pear shaped) I immediately retreated to a haven with never ending tissue supply- the bathroom. I hid in a cubicle, had a little cry, told myself I could do this, took deep breaths, and then took on the world. I returned to my seat red faced and none the better for it, everyone knew I'd shed my share of seeming juvenile tears whilst on my bathroom break. However, both hands beside me knew to squeeze mine and my girls were quick to rest heads of 'I know yours is heavy so lean on mine' on my shoulder. I bit my lip, looked at my dead ringer for a seagull of a lecturer and wiped one stray piece of pity from my cheek.
I went home and sat on my floor and had a further private pity party (Don't ever do this by the way, the reason I started this blog was to stop pitying myself which I have-now) I sobbed and stared at the ceiling and I wept to my mother, then was passed to my sister who told me to do something. She told me to text someone, to see someone, to not be alone when I'm sad.
I struggle to admit when I need someone. I think in all honesty I'd love to be able to carry the burdens of the world and have my life so together that I'm capable of holding the heavy. Truth is, none of us have it all together, we all have our moments on the floor without feeling strong enough to ever sit up again. Truth is, we need each other.
Do you think we were made to walk alone? Nay, quite the opposite. Your hand is meant for reaching for the hand of one in need, your arms to hold them up, your voice to speak words of life and your heart to hear theirs. I discovered this upon swallowing my pride and telling a sweet friend I needed her. Just being with someone, talking to someone, feeling someone beside you in the boat you once thought too tiny to weather the storm makes a difference. Perspective was placed by admitting that I needed someone.
It's okay to not always be okay and it's okay to need someone to walk beside you. There's no shame in living life the way we were intended to, afterall, it was God who first saw that it was not good for man to live alone. Just admit it, you need someone.