Saturday, July 28, 2012

Lesson 100. You're making progress.

This post is a milestone. You and I have walked from sweet strangers to dear friends and dare I say tumbled into a slightly romantic entanglement. We talk everyday that I manage to keep up with. I'll share my secrets in hope that you'll recognise yours. I'll tell you what I know in hope that you realise your wisdom is greater.

I fell into this whole thing feeling somewhat foolish. I didn't know if anyone would bother with my thoughts or if they were even of true value. But here we are, you are reading. And you are important, you are so important. Because without you reading I wouldn't be writing. Without you reading I wouldn't have the motivation to keep doing so on a daily basis. I started writing out of a need for a change of heart and a shift of head. I needed to see the good things. I needed to learn the life things. And being typically female I had a deep need to discuss in hyperboles and riddles the exact rhymes and reasons behind my feelings and their movements. I didn't realise it 'til now but everything has changed, it's only when we reflect that we see outcomes better than what we desired.

It hasn't cured loneliness or homesickness. It hasn't rid me of self-doubt or fear. I'm honest with you, we're at that stage right? I don't walk on fluffy rose marshmallow clouds nor do I sing birds into being. I'm still guilty of the occasional snappy comment or self-pity sobbing session. But I'm moving, I'm growing, I'm learning, and it's more than I ever knew I could. Because now I'm aware of my attitudes and I'm ever so willing to slap myself across the hand for them. Now I'm seeing the beauty in everyday even when it's the last thing I feel like doing. Now I'm learning what I hold dearest in my life, and how to express it to the world. It's better than a quick fix, it's better than waking up one morning and feeling like a 1930's musical character, because I feel in my bones that I'm growing. I feel in my heart that I'm changing. I know in my head that my attitudes are shifting. It's not instant and it's not always perfect but  it's progress, and it's progress I'm prouder of than anything else in my life.

Sometimes when things don't quite reach what we thought they would we neglect to notice the road that got us there or the even more breathtaking one that lies ahead. We're so stuck on expectation that we lose our chances for now. You know what? You might be feeling like you're sick and tired and you've gotten no where but I can guarantee you you're moving as we speak. You're where you're supposed to be and you're moving in the direction you were always made for. I'm so happy to share this journey with you. Thank you so much for taking the time to read my somewhat scattered thoughts, I'm looking forward to the next 117 lessons we've got to learn. It's lesson 100, and you're making progress.

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